ash'ventures

an ode to a sibling

a gang of five, we lost one
on this day, twenty years ago
just at fifteen, very young
the first to come, and leave

pinned under a mechanical giant
shattered along the tracks
he grew wings and flew away
to the skies above and beyond the clouds

oh where art though, my big brother
my guide and protector
oh where are you, my childhood hero
my teacher and friend

missing you in our lives
thinking of you daily
wishing you never left
praying for you always

ajish, 17 October 2009
Cebu, Philippines

The wannabe philosopher

My brother Anand, who happens to the brightest and scholarly in the family started his blog. And his first entry is so cheem (singaporean chinese lingo for anything confusing & difficult to understand) that i had to read again and again to understand the contents. Here is the link to the cheemology.

uncle & niece

uncle ajish and ammu

Happy Children's day niece !

i miss you bro !

i came across 2 entries in my friends' blogs on suicides. triggered memories of my bro who committed suicide at the age of 15.

he was 2 years elder to me. we were not in singapore then. he was reprimanded by his teacher for some naughty stuff he did in school. and he was asked to bring dad to meet the principal the next day. dad was a terror then. we used to pee in our pants when dad was angry. so instead of coming home, he took the train to some unknown place. somewhere along the journey, he ended his life in front of the train. i dunno where he got the courage from. he even had a gf then. he was an altar boy and very active in church. he was the well-liked-by-all-good boy. he was a smart-ass in mathematics and science.

i was only 13 then. we went to same school. i felt an emptiness in me after that. i was not used to going to school alone. i missed my big bro who will protect me from the bullies. i was not used to going to church without him. i was not used to serve at the altar without him there to guide me. i was not used to playing cricket and soccer and police & thief and kite flying and preparing the christmas tree etc without him.

i hated him a bit for leaving me alone. then somewhere along the years, i purposely tried to forget him and his memories. sometimes i wonder how it would been like if he was around. he would be 30 now. perhaps, married and a dad. if he was around, i wouldn't have to bear all the burden of my family and other siblings by myself.

along the way, when i look back at the past 15 years, i got a lot of blessings and a lot of good things happened in my life. i think he is sitting in heaven by the right side of the Lord, looking up on me and my brothers and make sure nothing bad happens to us.

bro, i miss you, even today, after all these 15 years. i love u bro.

uncle ajish

I officially became an uncle ... my sis-in-law gave birth to a baby girl, Ammu !